AissatanN

Conquest!

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 04:52:59 GMT

Finding time is getting harder and harder...

I hope things get easier once this training is over and done with. I'm beat, and I want to have the energy to be able to stay up nights working again. Can't wait to get back into school, however that ends up working out. Tuesday nights... I'm looking forward to that. I miss screenwriting. I had a pretty good thing going, there, too. Well... now it's a comic, but I can be flexible. X)

I wish I had taken the time to learn flash when I was in high school. I had all the time in the world back then. Now I've got the ideas, but I have no idea where to start. In terms of making a flash website, I mean. I'll figure it out.

Oy... I want to travel. I want to meet people. I want to break out into the world I've always dreamed of being a part of... world of an artist. I'm twenty and I'm grooming dogs... miles away from doing what I want. Hopefully that'll only enable me, if anything.

Sometimes it's hard to stay optimistic, but pessimism could quite possibly be the death of me at this point, so I have to give it all I got.

I just keep wishing and wishing and wishing for things to get better, brighter, truer. I hope it happens soon.

Mean ol' levee...

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 22:10:41 GMT

I actually do have a better scanner, but the one I'm using now is my printer too... and i don't have room for both. Bah. It's so scratchy!! T.T
Aaaand... a playstation 2 finally made its way into my life. Yeah, I'm a little slow on the uptake. What can I say, I'm poor and I don't have the space in my room for a tv. Thank goodness for technology... now all I need is the adapter so I can play on my comp. Huzzah.

I need a good book! Desperately! Gah!

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 19:17:39 GMT

There's just something inconceivably nice about drawing the human figure. With slightly modified anatomy. Ha.

The past couple of months I'd been reminiscing all the lovely things about high school. I've practically been in a swoon over it, wishing I were back there for just a little bit longer. High school was just an excuse to slack off and do whatever I wanted. There was that unburdened freedom to let my brain go to come up with whatever the hell it wanted to come up with, and there was an incredibly fun creativity that came with that. I didn't pretend to be an academic, I wasn't going to a university. I did what I had to to get by and graduate, and that left me with more time than I knew what to do with. Except I did know what to do with it, and the towering stack of sketchbooks in my closet comes mostly from back then.

So yeah, I'm better now technically, but I was more imaginative back then. I had more fun with it back then... getting good was more of a personal goal, where now it's something I could depend on. Something I know my self-worth depends on, at very least. It's a more serious task now than it used to be.

Bah, but what are rose-colored glasses?

Heh... then last night, when I was least expecting it, I was quite suddenly hit in the face by a ton of bricks. A metaphorical ton of bricks of course... that being, in one nasty tidal wave, I remembered everything I hated about high school.

And there was a fuckload.

I didn't realize until last night how much I've changed since then, even in little things. I'm quite a shy person, and my confidence varies vastly from situation to situation... but in high school I was exceptionally insecure. I mean, there were certain, quite normal instances where I just couldn't function from insecurity. Being insecure failed me in journalism, where as now if I took that class I know I'd own. I just couldn't handle the whole 'group socialization' thing. Even my friends weren't really close friends, just the people I had lunch with between classes. I felt uncomfortable around them, without ever knowing why.

Then again, that never went away. I've never been able to get close to people, or integrate into a group well. And it's all me... even when I'm totally welcomed, I'll only put one foot in. I guess that'll never really fade.

But back then, it sucked the energy out of me. Just remembering last night made me sick like it always used to.

And yeah, I didn't really care about getting into a university or anything, but the disappointment of my teachers when I would be half-assed about everything was always a cloud over my head. I hated it, but when it came down to it... sitting and drawing was the choice I always made over homework.

Senior year I hated it so much that I almost ditched a quarter's worth of classes. I know that in my last semester, I would ditch at least one class a week... usually more. It was a shitty mixture of gladness that I wasn't where I didn't want to be, but disgust that I was basically being such an underachiever.

Sooo... rose-colored glasses!? Where'd you go? XP Bah, the mixture of the good and the bad are what makes up life's experiences, I guess. I'm still glad of high school. It wasn't exactly a roller-coaster.... but at least it was a ride.

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 06:43:06 GMT

In four days I'll be off selling my soul to petsmart for the next two years. Yes, indeed... I will officially be a groomer, trapped within a contract binding my blood and sweat to corporate America. Huzzah.

Well, at least I will be making the much needed monies. Gah.

I need to actually learn how to use the other tools in painter. I'm a slave to brushy. But it's so good to me!

Also, I need to watch the movie North Country sometime between now and 6pm tomorrow. I really don't want to, I already saw the end. But I am a studious being, so I must anyway!

The Rain that they Predicted...

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 03:25:35 GMT

Mmmm... first

Huzzah!

So, I read The Name of the Wind, having really no idea what to expect... I didn't even know it was brand-new when I picked it up. To make a long story short, it's the first time in a long time I haven't been able to put a book down. It was totally captivating, fantastic characters, and not a single dull moment to slow you down. I haven't read fantasy in a long time, but this one in particular I'd recommend. When I got to the the last hundred pages or so I wept, realizing that the story was nowhere near ending, which obviously meant a 'to-be-continued' to haunt me for however long it would take to get the next book. Which was, of course, when I found out that there was no next book yet... and there won't be one until next year.

Ok, so that's when I really started crying.

Anywho, it was very inspiring. Go read it. Now.

Also, my scanner is a piece of crap. T.T

A bit late on the matter...

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 23:01:29 GMT

I've decided to start up a sketchblog... hopefully this will be a bit more successful than previous attempts. I am not particularly good at the whole 'journaling' or 'not procrastinating' with this sort of thing, but hell! I can give it a good ol' fashioned shot, ya?

I'll be putting up some artwerks as soon as I get my scanner to function with some amount of usefulness.

I also need to find some time to fix up the blog a bit.... hmmmmm....